Bow Rider

OK, I'm going to be a total buzz kill for a moment, but I just have to rant.

Take a look at Mr. Brown's article about riding on the bow.  Hopefully, for most of my super-intelligent readers, this is all common sense.  Don't dangle your stuff over the front or sides of a moving vessel.  Even the venerable Mr. Mickey Mouse knows this ("Ladies and gentlemen, please keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times.").  My sister can even recite this in Spanish from time spent on the monorail.  That's how important this phrase is - Disney translates it for the benefit of all.

However, this rant is not going to take the turn you might expect...I am not about to out my fellow boaters who consistently put their children's lives at peril by giving them a seemingly 'fun' time.  Instead, my frustration goes out to the numerous 'responsible' manufacturers whose print advertising is just plain irrresponsible.

Bow Rider - Getting Your 'Wind Tunnel' On. Power&Motoryacht 4/13

Take a look at the people on the bow of that Azimut.  First of all, what you don't get in print are the screams of terror that are inevitably emanating from their horror-stricken faces.  Those print models better be getting overtime for this death-defying photo shoot.  This boat hauls ass at a disgusting rate of speed, and one can tell by the size of the wake on the adjacent photo that the photographer is screaming into the radio headset as if he's egging on a pure-bred at the Kentucky Derby.  Sitting on the bow of this boat can't be comfortable no matter how you do it.  In addition, I don't care if there are bow rails, or that the sea is flat, or that there is a helicopter nearby to save the day.  It's a boat - things happen!  I'm not even sure what this picture is telling me.  That if I buy an Azimut, I too can sit on the bow and discover what it's like to be a new airplane wing design under heavy load in a test chamber?  Furthermore, I don't even see a spot for the cooler full of beer.  For that matter, who's driving this thing while I'm testing the staying power of my bathing suit up there anyway?  It's not just Azimut either - these photos get published all the time.

Now, now - I am all for being a daredevil, and I am not by any means one of those do-gooders of the world who needs to right every wrong, and blow every whistle when I see something bad.  However, I can also appreciate - through harrowing stories of those who have seen this tragedy firsthand - how dangerous riding on the bow of a boat can be.

People, listen, there are high-speed, sharp, spinning objects at play here.  And don't think it can never happen to you - I have heard stories about people getting chopped up like Icelandic lamb at Whole Foods, and it's just seriously sad and preventable.  There's no reason to ride on the bow of a boat - no reason at all! 

So please, put other captains on the water at ease by abiding by Mr. Mouse's rules.  No feeling in the world is worth the tragedy of going overboard.